Oct 30, 2003

Capturing Streaming Videos
Saw a Stacie Orrico video of There's Gotta Be More To Life the other day. I'm thinking the makeup for the multiple characters in the video's pretty cool, but I wasn't able to actually save the video since I could only find it being streamed using Microsoft's proprietary mms:// protocol.

Turns out there's already a group called SDP that's more or less cracked the protocol. Their library is used in HiDownload, a download manager that allows you to download and save streaming media.

After figuring all this out, I'm realizing I'm starting to fall out of date on a lot of technologies out there. <sigh>

Oct 23, 2003

Free Web hosting?
If you've noticed any photos I once had up are gone, it's because the free web host I was using was taken down. I found a new one though - or at least it seems to be free web hosting, I haven't figured out if there's any catch: www.1and1.com.

Oct 22, 2003

Theological Quote of the Day
"The big boy upstairs," Mr. Oliver said, referring to God. "He always does things with cooking that are interesting." The lines down a fish, for instance, make a clean and easy way to fillet it. Many fall vegetables, like squash and mushrooms, mimic the colors of autumn leaves. "There are too many things that are fluky to be flukes," he said.
-- Jamie Oliver in a NYT interview
Procrastination
Whenever I start working on a paper, and studying the text, I'm wondering how I can write a paper on such a small topic. By the time I finish a paper, I'm thinking that there's so much more I could have studied, that there's so much depth I'm missing. Usually by this time it's either incredibly late on Tuesday night, or early (as today) on Wednesday morning, and I just regret not having started earlier or spending more time on it. Here's the papers from last week and this week. Both are pretty bad in my opinion, like I've just started into looking at the topic without any sense of completeness.

Sabbath (for Oct. 22 class)
The concept of the Sabbath rest dates back to the beginning of creation. In a way, it was the final creation, the thing that God introduced on the seventh day. Literally however, it was actually the act of not creating anything. It has also been an idea that has not been well understood for a long time. On multiple occasions (Matt 12, John 9) Jesus was criticized for breaking the Sabbath. Later on in Romans 14 Paul introduces the argument "One person regards one day above another, another regards every day alike. Each person must be fully convinced in his own mind." If we are to observe the sabbath properly, or if we are to choose to not practice it without sinning, we must first understand it.

The idea of God's rest is introduced in Genesis 2:2 "And by the seventh day God completed His work which He had done; and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done. Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work which God had created and made." The structure and wording of these two verses strongly emphasises the element of rest. It is a specific type of rest. It was not the understated pause during the other days of creation when God took a step back to affirm that His work for that day was good. This is the more substantial rest after everything was completed. The act of resting was enough to identify this day as holy, enough so that this special rest "Shabbath" seems to be derived from the generic word for rest, "shabath", which is used repeatedly in the Old Testament, usually in describing a cessation of a previous action.

After its introduction in Genesis 2, this concept of rest does not become significant again until Exodus 16, where God feeds Israel with manna, which is provided for only six of seven days. Later on in Exodus 20, this rest is codified into the Law:

“Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
Six days you shall labor and do all your work,
but the seventh day is a sabbath of the Lord your God;
in it you shall not do any work, you or your son or your daughter,
your male or your female servant or your cattle
or your sojourner who stays with you.
For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth,
the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day;
therefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day and made it holy.”
Genesis 20:8-11

This particular commandment stands out from the rest because of its description. While most other commandments are simply stated, this one comes with an explanation of the founding principle, that the Sabbath is Holy because God blessed it after completing his work. In Exodus 31 it is again expanded:


“For six days, work is to be done,
but the seventh day is a Sabbath of rest,
holy to the LORD .
Whoever does any work on the Sabbath day must be put to death.
The Israelites are to observe the Sabbath,
celebrating it for the generations to come as a lasting covenant.
It will be a sign between me and the Israelites forever,
for in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth,
and on the seventh day he abstained from work and rested.”
Exodus 12:16-17

Later on in Leviticus, the Sabbath Year is introduced, again a period of rest, but in this case for the farmland.

Although these laws seem to call for man’s imitation of God’s rest, it becomes clear that it is not a matter of imitation. The Sabbath is not so much because God rested that we should rest, but rather that He made the day holy because of the completion of His work. The Sabbath law does not call for one to rest after the completion of one’s work to reflect on it, as God had done. Rather it called for rest at a specified time, the time that God had rested, to reflect on the work that He had done.

These laws are also not for the sake of rest, as it may seem. One can argue that rest is necessary for people to function at their peak. We may point at burnout in those who overwork. We can argue the sabbath for the land is necessary for sustainable farming. While this may all be true, and while it may be true that God intends for us to rest, it is not the reasoning given in the text.

The Sabbath law is about worship, it was a sign of the covenant renewed between God and the Israelites, in much the same way that God had renewed His covenant with each of the patriarchs. It was a call to honour the day that God declared holy, and hence worshipping God’s holiness, above all other daily priorities that we might have had.

As Christians under the new covenant we often see the signs of the old covenant, whether they be circumcision or the observance of the sabbath, as unnecessary for our salvation. A discussion of this theology is beyond the scope of this paper, but the position taken here is that in Christ we are no longer bound by the written Law presented in Exodus (Romans 7).

The question that then arises is whether this renders the Sabbath obsolete or and meaningless. If ones observation of the Sabbath is driven by the legal or cultural requirement to rest, it clearly carries little spiritual significance. Such an observance would be as the righteousness of the Pharisees. However, within the elements of worship we can still find relevance for our lives.

In the Old Testament, the observation of the Sabbath reflected the their knowledge of God as the Creator. The Sabbath was a time for worshipping God for what he had completed in creating the world and mankind. They knew of Christ only as a future Saviour. For us however, Christ has already became substance. On the cross, “When Jesus therefore had received the sour wine, He said, ‘It is finished!’ And He bowed His head, and gave up His spirit”. On top of knowing God as the Creator, we can see a second work that Christ has completed in salvation for sinners. Through Romans, Hebrews, and 1 John the theme of Christ’s death completing and fulfilling the Law is repeated.

Although we are not bound by the Law to worship in a particular manner, the Sabbath serves as a model of sorts in the manner in which we are to worship, in much the same way that the Lord’s prayer in Matthew 6 serves as a template for us to learn to pray. The idea of regularly and setting aside time for reflection upon what God has completed is a concept we can bring into practice in our own lives.

This may take a traditional form in setting rules for ourselves in terms of weekly rest, especially if we are prone to the idolatry of work. For others, this time of worship might come in daily quiet time. Rest and recreation away from work in itself might be a good psychological practice, but to commune with God requires our worship.

The Image of God (for Oct. 15 class)
The concept of the image of God appears through our interpretation of Scripture not as a textually repeated theme, but rather as a perennial concept introduced in Genesis and referenced in the New Testament. It is an almost mystical sounding phrase, perhaps a mystery that merits curiosity because of its potential to explain who we are as humans in relation to God. The question "What is the image of God?" carries the same sense of enigma and import as "What is the character of God?". It s a question that we strive to answer in the process of building up our relationship with Him. How else are we to relate to a conceptual God if we do not know what He is like?

The word image used in Genesis 1:26-27 is used in reference to a physical likeness or conceptual form. However, only in Genesis, and only in reference to Man, is the concept of the image of the One True God used. It's most common usage in the Old Testament is a referencing the physical likenesses of other gods, that is idols used for worship. The word for God in these verses is Elohim, which, strangely enough, is plural. This plural form, however, is consistent with the use of the plural personal pronoun as God says "Let us make man in our image". Thus the most obvious interpretation is that we, as humans have been made in the physical likeness of God, in the same way that an image of a bull might have four legs and horns. So perhaps we are to believe that God is bipedal. This is in fact well supported in Scripture. God appears to both Abram (Genesis 18) and Jacob (Genesis 32). In both situations, it is clear that the patriarchs met with God. In both cases they are also described with meeting men, and not merely likenesses of men or ghosts. There is an element of this reflected in the person of Christ, being both in nature God and physically a man. However, there is a pedantic difference in John's account that the Word became flesh, implying that Christ in fact took on the image of man for the purpose of his salvation.

A second interesting point is the dual account of Genesis 1 and 2. The creation story is related in two rather different narratives. Where we see the image of God used in Genesis 1, the imagery in Genesis 2 is not the same at all. There is no indication that the man was formed to look like God. The new image introduced here however is that of God breathing life into the man. It is natural to connect these two concepts. The "image of God" and the "breath of life" are both elements that, in their respective narratives, are unique attributes in all of creation bestowed by God unto man. The use of the word breath in the Old Testament is used in a number of ways. In some cases it is used in the sense of respiration, as a sign of life (Deu 20:16). In other cases is translated in the sense of a spirit (Job 26:4, Pr 20:27). Furthermore, in many of the latter cases, there is an ambiguity in whether the spirit refers to a man's spirit, or God's spirit, almost as if it were indistinguishable. In the New Testament, the continuation of this theme is evident in the work Holy Spirit.

Because of the uniqueness of our endowment, it is often seen as a differentiating factor for man. No other creature in Creation had been blessed in this manner. We are the greatest element of creation because in us is displayed the image of God. At the same time this source of pride is a source of responsibility. Are we to believe that the sinful state we are in now truly reflects the glory of God? When we read the exhortation "Be Holy for I am Holy" (1 Pet 1:16), is it not a call for us to reflect the image in which we were made? The singularity of our being gifted with God's image makes it difficult to believe that it was something allotted to us randomly. Rather, was not the existence of the creation a reflection of the glory of the Creator? If so, then the highest element of creation should most closely reflect the glory of God. Instead, even secular culture often views man as the most negative element - the polluter and destroyer of the beauty of "Nature". How often do we look at ourselves and ask whether we reflect God's holiness in our place in creation, in our physical actions, and in our spiritual lives?

God makes an interesting proclamation in Genesis 9:6 "Whoever sheds man's blood, By man his blood shall be shed, For in the image of God He made man." The image of God is called upon as a cause for judgment, perhaps in the sense that an action against the image of God holds a sense of immorality more than an action against the rest of creation. How often do we neglect to see the shame poured upon us for blaspheming God as we sin against another person? How often do we sin against other people because we forget that they are created in God's image? Jesus reminds us of this, saying "The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent * that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'"(Matt 25:40).

If we interpret the image of God as a unique attribute that has been granted to Man above all creation, we can see it as either a physical or spiritual attribute (or both). Both attributes are carried through to the New Testament in the form of the Trinity. Man was made in the likeness of God in Genesis. Our physical likeness to God can be seen in Christ. Our spiritual likeness to God can be seen in the Holy Spirit. We can use God's image in us as a measure of the way we were created to be, unmarred by sin. We can see it as the governing principle in relating to others. The gospel of salvation and redemption, and the revelation of a new heaven and earth in the New Testament all points to a place where we can commune with God directly. Paul uses a similar phrase in his description of Christ, "And He is the image of the invisible God, the first-born of all creation" (Col 1:15). Christ was present as the plural God who said "Let us" in the beginning creation. Just as Christ's incarnation allowed Him to commune with people 2000 years ago, so being made in God's image allows us to not only worship and praise, but form a relationship with Him.

Oct 21, 2003

Random thoughts
I've been getting more connected with the young adults fellowship at PBC lately. Went to the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art with some people on Friday, hung around for lunch on Sunday, and had dinner with a YAF couple this evening (they cooked).

It's been about a month into this internship thing, and I'm still trying to find the discipline to study without excessive procrastination. Classes are interesting, I'm learning to read scripture in a more careful, studied, manner. The pastor teaching the current series on Genesis had a good observation, about being careful to try to read everything that comes out of the text, rather than trying to read too much into it. This one is tough, I often find myself seeing themes that are emphasised, wondering to myself whether I am seeing what is truthfully there, or whether I'm reading too much into it.

It's very difficult to come to scripture as a student seeking to learn. Too often we're encumbered by preconceptions of what we think it's supposed to say. Every once in a while, I check out Boundless Webzine. It's interesting to see that on their current poll, their readership is about 71% Republican/conservative, 7% Democrat/liberal, and 24% which are neither (makes me wonder about their math skills). They've occasionally got a good article, but the majority are opinionated and, in my opinion, more socially conservative than biblically Christian. It's funny how they're called "Boundless", yet their articles are titled "Has Chief Justice Moore Gone Too Far?" or "Did Madonna Go Far Enough?". I wouldn't trust their interpretations of Scripture, yet at the same time as I study I wonder if my liberal perspective is tainting the way I'm reading the text as it was intended.

I went surfing on Saturday, I pretty much sucked and was unable to really catch any waves at all over the first three hours I was there. In the end I was able to get up on my board after catching the white water on some broken waves. I'm sure it's probably considered cheating or not real surfing or something along those lines. I need to get more practice.

Oct 13, 2003

Close call
I freaked myself out with a close car accident on Saturday. I was speeding up as a slow car in front of me was pulling over to the right lane when he swerved back in and braked in front of me. I intended to slam on the brakes but somehow got my boot caught on the side of the brake pedal and ended up slamming on the gas. I managed to swerve around to the left lane while rocketing forward, missing the car in front. I oversteered and lost control and ended up swinging back and forth down the left land until i slowed down enough to regain control.
It was all pretty freaky, I'm damn lucky I didn't cause an accident. Major eye-opener to be attentive while driving.

Went hiking up to Monument Peak from Ed Levin park (PDF trail map) on Saturday too. I'm in horrible shape, my legs are still sore today. Unfortunately, my friend's brother has disabled his web server, which explains why all the photos are gone. I'm gonna have to find (or build) another server at some point to put up photos.

Here's the second homework assignment. Didn't really do a good job on it.

Genesis 2:4-25

Following the preface of the story of creation, Genesis 2 introduces the story of the fall. Near the literal center of the passage is God's first commandment to man: "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden, but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." This commandment is twofold; the provision for the abundance of food contrasts the dire warning against breaching the one prohibited tree. Likewise, this chapter describes God's initial unmarred creation which later contrasts the darkness of the initial sin in the following chapter. This chapter focuses on God's role in this utopia, not only creating the earth and man, but also providing for more than the basic needs.

There is a parallel in God's treatment of the earth in the first half of the chapter to God's treatment of man in the second half. Like the account of creation in Genesis 1, the creation process described here occurs in various steps. In this case, the earth was created in an initial state that was functional as described in verses 5 and 6. However, it is made apparent in the language that this stage is incomplete. The description of the timing indicates very clearly how there was an initial state when the "mist *used* to rise from the earth" that was awaiting a later state, since at this point "no shrub of the field was *yet* in the earth". This compares to the man's initial state of being alone. Although he was made alive with God's breath in verse 7, God later determines that "It is not good for the man to be alone".

Perhaps in our modern picture of a timeless God there is introduced an element of unchangingness, not only in the sense that he does not change in his character, but also in the sense that we expect things from God to appear perfect, immediately. This notion is contradicted in Genesis 2, where God is portrayed to act in a linear fashion. He begins with something that is whole, but at the same time incomplete He can improve upon it and perfect it at a later stage. Often in our impatience we may find ourselves expecting some sense of perfection that God had not yet brought about. The impatient spirit may cause us to doubt instead of waiting patiently for the day we may be complete.

The second thing that God does here is to fill up. The land, initially empty, was filled by the garden and the introduction of man. Likewise God created masses of animals to fill the man's life. Presumably he is to rule the animals as described in chapter 1 but not chapter 2, hence his naming of all the animals does imply a certain authority. The language used to describe "every tree that is pleasing to the sight and good for food" and "every beast of the field and every bird of the sky" suggest the abundance that filled the earth and the life of the man.

As basic as the thought of God's provision is, it is difficult to take it seriously and trust God to provide in abundance. Oftentimes our perceived needs overshadow our real needs. We would then gain for ourselve or lose faith in His provison. But the comparison of the full earth and the empty earth should bring us into worshipful appreciation of our blessings rather than the dissatifaction of being sufficiently blessed, but not quite blessed enough to satisfy our desires.

Finally, God not only provides for the immediate needs, He also nurtures. We're not charged up and dumped into the world to fend for ourselves. Rather God provides for the needs for support and love. Just like the rivers flowed to water and nurture the garden, so God provides for the nurturing and growth of His children. In this particular case, we see God recognizing that “it is not good for the man to be alone”, and moreover that the animals that were created were not sufficient, hence He provided the man a helper in woman. He takes what is there initially, and turns it into a great blessing. The source river from Eden broke into four to water the Middle East. Adam's rib grew into another human being in the form of a woman.

It is very common for us to have one or few focuses for our lives, especially when they are areas of abundance. For many, these would be areas of success. Since our lives are filled we find confidence in these areas. For some it might be their career, for others it might be the ministries in which they serve. God however, recognizes that there are different types of needs. In this particular passage, He shows a sense of forethought into the type of nurturing the man would need, even though there is no current sign that it is a problem. Just as the garden might be lush, but would dry up without water, at some points our lives can be full of blessing, but may dry up if we aren’t nurtured. Perhaps ones career or hobbies might be outpacing the relationships where we can find nurturing. Another example is how ones ministries, if overly burdening, can distance us from our nurturing relationship with God.

Often we forget to see the goodness in God's provisions. As God speaks his commandment, it is very clear the initial set of trees were good and were intended as a blessing in providing food. The last three verses, ending in "the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed" also gives a sense of goodness in the relationship between man and woman. In the same way that it was possible to take the garden, intended for man's benefit, and corrupt it by eating the fruit, it also is possible to take our potentially nurturing relationships and corrupt them. In failing to recognize his goodness, we may search for our own idea of what is good, as is shown in the account of the fall.

Oct 4, 2003

Homework
I don't know how long it's been since I've had to do homework. Since I'm spending time writing this, I might as well post it up.

Genesis 1:1-2:3

The Bible begins by introducing us to God. The first verse of Genesis effectively introduces God as the initial and foremost character in the narrative of creation and the Bible. In essence He is not only the Character that is omnipresent in the created universe, but if we are to take the Bible seriously, the one that is omnipresent in our lives. In fact God is the only character involved in the account of creation. All other elements - light, darkness, sky, seas, land, heavenly bodies, plants, animals, and man – are secondary. Any themes introduced in this passage reflect God’s character in his design and actions. Although there are many minor themes and ideas introduced within this chapter that are reflected and repeated both within this text, and in the other texts of the Bible, they can be categorized in overarching themes of God’s power in his word and actions, God’s goodness in his design, and God’s holiness in his rest.

Perhaps God’s omnipresence and omnipotence are one and the same. It might be possible to argue that they are technically different, but the first three verses of Genesis simply awes us with both qualities in a God who singlehandedly “created the heavens and the earth”. He is a being so ancient that he was present and “moving over the surface of the waters” before the world as we know it came into being. His dominion extends to the point where he merely needs to utter “‘Let there be light’; and there was light”. God simply decreed the existence of the world, “and it was so”.

God’s power and presence are constantly echoed throughout scripture. The magnitude of his power is echoed in the Flood that covered the entire earth, returning it to its state before creation, the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, the plagues of Egypt, and the darkness and earthquake surrounding the death of Christ. His presence is affirmed in turning points in history, walking with Adam in Eden, appearing to the patriarchs through their pilgrimages, with the Israelites as a column of fire through the desert, walking among men in Galilee in Christ, and as the Spirit among believers at the Pentecost. The unchangedness of his character through the rise and fall of Israel and throughout the Biblical geneologies is reflected in Daniel where He is called the Ancient of Days. His authority is seen in microcosm when the centurion in Matthew 8 pleads with Jesus “but just say the word, and my servant will be healed”.

The account of creation shows a God that not only has a power to create, but one who does so with a sense of order and purpose. He is not like a painter that randomly throws paint on a wall in hopes of creating an aesthetic composition, but rather a sculptor which sees a statue of a man within a block of stone, or an architect who envisions a functional structure on an empty plot of land. The elements of creation complement each other to form an ordered structure out of chaos. Incompatible elements are separated into their own regions – light and darkness, sea and sky, earth and water – forming interfaces in which physical life could be sustained. A sense of natural order comes into being. Heavenly bodies governing the cycles of the days and seasons. Plants and creatures to spring forth, not randomly but according to their kind. There is an implicit role for the different elements of creation in their web of interactions with each other. Man exists to rule the other creatures, they exist to fill the earth. They have been provided plants to eat, which grow from the ground that was separated from water and the light that was separated from the darkness. There is the sense of provision that each element was created along with what it needed. Yet each element in itself was also not haphazardly created, but made and declared good.

God’s plan and provision are echoed throught the chronology that leads to Christ. In retrospect we can see God’s design in every step after the fall of man culminating in our redemption by grace. We see God work purposefully throughout the generations to bring the seed of Abraham to their promised land in Canaan. As we narrow in from the perspective of creation to the perspective of a nation, we see God’s provision in the mana that fed Israelites in the wanderings. On the individual level we see God’s provision for Abraham’s sacrifice instead of Isaac, or Boaz as a redeemer in the story of Ruth. On the scale of humanity we see Christ as the same provision of a sacrifice for us. The goodness of the elements of design are also echoed throughout scripture, whether described in the intricacies of the prescribed structure of the temple, or echoed in the Psalms or even in the beauty expressed in the Song of Solomon.

The story of creation closes off with the seventh day, which exists after the rest of creation was completed. In a way it emphasizes God’s holiness apart from his omnipotence – he does not exercise his power in creation, there is no awe of seeing something new come into existence. But yet a sense of reverence is conveyed in the vision that “the heavens and the earth were completed, and all their hosts”, perhaps akin to the awe of staring at something like the Grand Canyon and realizing the amount of energy slowly trickling over time to form such a grandiose structure, not seeing the process but awed by the result. God introduces the idea of standing in silence and awe, for the first time blessing an abstract, a day, instead of a physical creature.

This abstract concept of rest and holiness is crystalized in the practice of the Sabbath laws, but it seems also to be the template for our concept of symbolic worship. It represents our worship of God’s holiness in itself rather than as an offering of thanksgiving for something He has done, or a sacrifice for atonement for something we have done. This attitude of worship is seen throughout the patriarchs, in David’s psalms, through the prophets, and finally in our embrace of God’s grace after Jesus declared that his work is done.

Genesis 1 speaks to us in terms of God’s character. Our knowledge of Him would therefore have to be applied to our relationship to Him or our relationship with the world around us. God’s power and purpose lead us into faith in Him. That is, a faith that is grounded in our knowledge of His provision for us, and supported by our understanding of his power and presence. In our moments of weakness, we can trust in His providence, knowing that our lives and actions fit in to those of others around us. In our times of need we realize that he is able to provide. His goodness and holiness arrests us to reconsider our interactions with other people. It causes us to question whether we can look at our own acts and declare that they are good, as they should be in the light of God’s holiness. And finally, God’s rest sets an example in our worship to Him. This rings true especially in a culture where we can be constantly busy, often times devoting only an hour or two in worship a week, with our minds racing with the other concerns in life. The appreciation of His holiness however reminds us of worship that is pure and focused on Him who, being the sole Character responsible for creation, is also the sole recipient for our adoration.


Oct 1, 2003

Dusting off the keyboard
It's been a long time since I've been here, where I've felt like I've had any thoughts worth the effort of logging, and now out of nowhere there's a torrent. Perhaps over the summer I've been falling into that place of being comfortable, dealing with machines at work and avoiding people and all the complications that lie with them, their fallacies and unpredictabilities.
But dealing with people forces you to think outside of the paradigm of what make sense. Thoughts become more abstract and hence one needs to think broader. Maybe from there the trickle of creativity begins to flow. On Sunday I met a kid at church, maybe 9 years old. He was drawing the charge diagram of some high speed solid state device which I did not understand. It could have been a bunch of junk, but as he stuttered to describe the few commercial applications and the roadblocks in the fabrication process, even the EE PhD students were weirded out. But although not autistic, this kid certainly still had difficulty in communicating at the level of "normal" people. There's something intriguing about people and the way we think, feel and act.

I went to the YAF ministry team meeting today. I realized I've quietly passed my two year mark down here. When I first moved down, I had the strong desire to be an observer, to absorb the environment, to understand what was going on. I don't feel comfortable jumping into some place new and leading the charge into the unknown. But today I had that familiar feeling, sitting in a long, drawn out vision meeting. I've moved from being an observer at a church, watching the clergy as they perform there practiced routines as they lead the rest of us in ordered worship, to the place amidst the so-called leaders and recognizing that they are, at the same time, only human, struggling to meet that desire to serve in our need to worship.

It's that feeling of crossing the line from feeling awkward or incapable and afraid to break the system, in case we should appear brash over to the position that we know that we can serve despite our imperfection. The knowledge that although human, there is still love in the group and our failures will be met without the judgement we fear. Maybe some will describe the feeling as being called. It's an echo of the feeling I had when I finally quit avoiding CCF and looked inside, and saw, instead of the confident leadership I was expecting, a humble and not altogether capable committee that had the heart to reach out to people and glorify God. I've missed that.

I've also started on the internship program at PBC. It's been somewhat odd to return to doing homework and writing essays, but the process has been also invigorating. We'll see where it goes.