Reticent
I realized I've blogged much less recently. I took a break over Christmas and went to Hong Kong, where I overate, overshopped, and probably overindulged. For a week and a half I was completely entertained and freed from responsibilities. I had my notebook all my work along with VPN access to the work network; I only turned it on to download photos.
Now that I'm back, often sitting at my desk, trying to catch up with work I wish was done a week ago, I feel surprisingly renewed, although it's still a struggle to convince myself that I am indeed back at work. It's been a while since I've had this feeling of wanting something more and something different. Perhaps it sounds as if the whole work-sleep-work routine kills the soul or robs the spirit, but I think I myself have failed to nurture that creative desire.
Every day that I got home, too tired to read a book, write a thought, take a picture, peruse art, listen to music, enjoy a sunset, cook a dish, savour a meal, or stop to let myself think was another day I let what little inspiration I had whither away. The thing with this work thing, is that it doesn't require much in terms of discipline after you get home. There isn't much you need to do from day to day, aside from maybe keeping the bills paid and the washroom clean. With a fear of being overly disciplined (read: uptight), I realize I've almost no discipline at all. Heck, sometimes I don't even make myself go deposit a cheque until I'm worried that they won't accept it anymore (there seems to be a 90-day limit on these things here).
So discipline it is. I think I'll start with trying to finish off Robotech: Battlecry, which I started quite a while ago, but haven't finished...