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Main Entry: pro?found
Pronunciation: pr&-'faund, prO-
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French profond deep, from Latin profundus, from pro- before + fundus bottom -- more at PRO-, BOTTOM
1 a : having intellectual depth and insight b : difficult to fathom or understand
2 a : extending far below the surface b : coming from, reaching to, or situated at a depth : DEEP-SEATED (a profound sigh)
3 a : characterized by intensity of feeling or quality b : all encompassing : COMPLETE (profound sleep)
- pro?found?ly /-'faun(d)-lE/ adverb
- pro?found?ness /-'faun(d)-n&s/ noun

I think everyone desires depth in their lives. Well, I can only speak for myself really. Somewhere deep inside I'm looking for a level of profundity in my relationships with people, the things I do, the experiences I find myself in. I prefer a few close friends than many shallow friendships. A part of me chides myself about meaningless work while the other side of me thoroughly enjoys it. It's the same part that disapproves of cheap thrills while the other half is looking for the next adrenaline rush. Generally, the other half tries to dismiss him as raising a ruckus. Who needs all the drama of internal conflict anyways? Isn't it just easier to have things clean and simple and open to all, rather than buried in one deep mess? One of my friends describes life as being inherently trivial, but even that indicates that there's a desire for something more. Each person wants to be individual and special, but in reality everyone's the same. I think everyone desires depth in their lives.

Toronto was fun this past weekend. The idea of friendship popped up a lot.

Had lunch on Friday with a bunch of old high school friends. It's been a long time since I've seen many of them. We were all pretty similar back then. We each had our own slant, but we really weren't that different from each other. Now it seems like we're worlds apart.

Babysat on Saturday for the first time. Our relationship started off pretty rough, she didn't want anything to do with me. She warmed up eventually. I'd like to think that it's something about me, but I suspect it's really because I was the only guy around. I was the one with the bottle. In the end, when she fell asleep on me, I couldn't help wondering how she'd grow up. I pray that she'd be wise and kind and compassionate and beautiful. Like her mom, but even better. I wonder what it's like to be a parent. It must be tough seeing all the shit in the world and just praying that you can teach this one right.

Besides that there was a lot of time just hanging out with friends over the easter weekend. Time at church together, eating, drinking. I felt just at home, with my family. This is what I'm used to, this is where I fit in, just like everyone else.

On the flight home, for the first time in a while, I drew up a list. People and things to pray for. It was longer than I expected. It had quite a few things I had forgotten about, but I guess I was reminded of this weekend. People and things that I have ignored for a long time, just because I haven't seen them, they might as well have stopped existing. But they were still there. I think that's the point of Easter. It's been 2000 years. To be frank, I don't see God every day. I know he's there. But sometimes He might as well not be until I'm reminded by the bread and the wine, eating, drinking. It's like the open tomb. It's there and empty unless we are reminded what it stood for.

When I got back I found something else to add to the list. Please pray for Renee's dad, his health is poor. And pray her family too.

I had a good weekend. Thanks.
It seemed like I was on the edge of something profound. But something was missing.